The Aftershock
by sologirl18
Summary: Hazel after gus' death. the tragedy of her dealing with the loss of the love of her life.
1. Chapter 1

**A/N: this is my first chapter of my first fanfic so pls only constructive criticism. Enjoy! :)**

I woke up in the middle of the night with a pain in my chest. Water in my lungs again. My name is Hazel Grace Lancaster and I am a cancer patient. Long story short my lungs suck at being lungs.

Three days after that I found myself in the hospital with another tube attached to me. I already had oxygen nubbins in my nose my whole life and now they were going to hook me up to another freaking machine. I can't tell you how depressing this visit to the hospital was. The last time I was here I had an amazing boyfriend waiting for me right outside in the waiting room. This time…. Not so much.

It has been almost 4 months since the love of my life died of cancer. Augustus Waters were by best friend and sometimes my only friend and he passed away because of cancer. The thing that the doctors were treating me for. I kept telling them to take out the nubbins, stop the chemo and Phalanxifor. You know one of those experimental medicines for not having many survivors. Because you know after Gus died I had nothing NOTHING to live for anymore.

His clever assy smile was there until the end, I wish I could say that. But I can't. I remember about a week or less before he died he called me in the middle of the night and told me he was at the gas station. Right after he was diagnosed he was started on chemo. The tube got infected and he was pretty much having a panic attack. He said that he wanted to get a pack of cigarettes, to do something for the first time since he was diagnosed. Oh, the cigarette thing right. He has this metaphor that you put the thing that kills you (the cigarette) right between your teeth. But you don't give it the power to kill you. (Lighting it). That was my favorite thing about him. I miss him like hell. It hurts like hell. I haven't dated anyone since. What!? Grieving takes a while for me. He used his wish on me. They say what goes around comes around. Well, clearly that's BS because Gus did anything and everything to please everyone, and what did he get when it "came around". BS.


	2. Chapter 2

**A/N hey guys midterms are over! So I will prob b posting a new chapter like every other week or on weekends, depending on what's going on in my life. Srsly let me kno what you think of this!**

One of Gus' favorite lines from EIA is "That's the thing about pain, It demands to be felt" seriously, why did it chose me to feel it though? Like this really pisses me off! I didn't do anything to get this crap! Gus didn't do anything to get this crap! So who did? Huh? Isaac? No he's blind so… long story short my life is like a living hell hole! Gus told me that it would've been a privilege to get his heart broken by me. Well I didn't think the same. I didn't want to eulogize him. I wanted him to eulogize me! My life is literally a living HELL. Isaac is trying to keep me from taking out my oxygen and keeping it out.

It's been a while since he died and I just feel more and more like shit every day. This particular hospital visit was the most depressing ever. One time I was literally looking into the face of death and that was less depressing than this. An Imperial Affliction is what I have to remember Gus from. It's not the best keepsake but I don't know what I would do without that memory of him. He used his wish on me! Me! The strange girl he met at a support group for people dying of cancer. The girl that couldn't go up all the stairs at the Anne Frank Museum because of the freaking tumor in her lungs.

"Hazel. Haaazzzzeeelll? What goes on in that head of yours?" my dad asked. I had been thinking for like 15 minutes.

"What do you want?" I had become kind of bitchy after Gus died.

"The doctor has something to tell you." He answered.

"I have REALLY amazing news for you," Dr. Maria answered, "your tumor is totally gone." Everyone cheered like it was a madhouse.

"I-I don't understand. You saved me but you couldn't save gus! This is total BS. Next you're gonna tell me that there is a 99.99% chance of me not relapsing." I screamed at the top of my lungs.

"Actually….." she answered, I rolled my eyes so far back it looked like I was having a seizure or something, "the chances of you not relapsing are 85%. Not 99.99%. We really did try to save Gus. It just didn't work. I'm sorry Hazel." I could just tell my parents were ridiculously pissed at me.

"You're right. I'm sorry Dr. Maria. I just. I'm still getting over Gus' death and finding out that I was cured just pissed me off."

"It's okay, I understand Hazel. It's very difficult to get over a death of someone you loved." She replied.

"For the next 5 years you will have to come in once a month for a scan to see if the tumor relapsed. Just a simple scan. I will see you in a month Hazel." We walked out of the doctor's office with smiles on all our faces. Well some of our faces. I could feel Gus telling me that I shouldn't have yelled at Dr. Maria. My oxygen tank was still hooked up to me and it made that really annoying sound when the wheels go over the little baby pebbles in the parking lot.

As soon as I got into my room, I called Isaac and told him the "good" news. He screamed like a little girl and kept congratulating me until it actually got annoying. Eventually I just hung up and cried myself to sleep.

**A/N like the plot twist? Comment pls!**


	3. Chapter 3

**A/N I know that my last chapter was a little unpractical but I am gonna try and fix the unrealisticness in this one EVERYONE PLS TELL ME WHAT U THINK!**

So about 3-4 months after I was told "the news" I went in for the scan for the 4th time. They did it and I came home like usual. A week later when they got the results back from the doctors. The cancer was back. Same type, same place, same crap. I started the Phalanxifor again and all of it. My mom even started making me go back to support group. Support group was hell. Every day after we heard Patrick's 20 minute speech about how he lost his balls to his cancer and how we were in the literal heart of Jesus and all that crap, he listed everyone and I mean EVERYONE who died from cancer, from support group, in order. Gus was always last or near last.

Gus always wanted to be remembered after he died. At the first support group that he was at he said that his fear was oblivion. I don't know if we are there yet, but I think we are pretty close. I think about him every single day. Even in my sleep. I know it's stupid but I actually dream about that boy. I think about his funeral, his first day of chemo, that stupid smile of his, the day he called me at the gas station. Every moment I was with him.

He is still with me in my heart. At least that's what everyone keeps telling me. I don't really know if I believe them. The funniest thing I remember about Gus is when I told him that my favorite book was An Imperial Affliction he asked me if it had zombies and storm troopers in it. I giggled with my breathy giggle and told him that it wasn't that kind of book. He said that he'd read it if I read a novel about his favorite video game. I miss the silly moments like that. Another time was when we were in Amsterdam at dinner we got the chef's choice and he said he wanted to go to Vegas with his food and marry it. I asked him if I could get in on that deal and he said absolutely. I miss the stupid moments like that. The silly/stupid moments.

**A/N see I tried to kind of fix the unrealness but idk if I did very well. Ik it's pretty short.**


	4. Chapter 4

**A/N hey guys I am so sorry that it took me so long to update. I had midterms and a lot of tests and then I was with family and stuff so you know…. PLS LET ME KNOW WHAT YOU THINK! p.s Ik that the last chapt was really short and unrealistic I just kind of typed and didn't even think to look at that! ****J**

I woke up one day and just lay there. I wanted my Gus back. He is the one and only love of my life. I will never ever EVER love anyone the way I loved him. That guy is so funny and assy and whatever the hell you want to call him. T point here is that Gus was the best, sweetest assiest guy I've ever met and I will ever meet.

He is my best friend. I'm not crazy I swear. It's just so hard to freaking get over this son of a biotch. I totally love him. I am crazy for HIM not crazy, crazy. I don't know if I will ever get over him. EVER like until oblivion EVER!

Ahhhh. Amsterdam the good old days. One of Gus' last good days. They when that day will come. One of our first kisses was in the Anne Frank Museum. I made it all the way to the top floor without like… passing out. Then when we got up there we looked around a little then we just… kissed. It was so freaking romantic. That boy. That boy can be whatever you wanted him to be. A romantic, a funny guy, an ass. Whatever you wanted. But now he's gone.

He would totally hate me grieving over him and wanting him. He would tell me to just chill and watch some America's Next Top Model. But he knew that I wouldn't. He actually knew me. He knew maybe even a little better than my parents! Now that's knowing someone. Damn he is all that I ever wanted in a boyfriend. Sweet, funny, cute the whole freaking package! I will forever and always love that boy…

I mean who wouldn't! if pain wants to be felt so much go make it be felt in like uh… not me! Life is hell! I mean it always was ever since I was diagnosed. But it was all getting better once I met Gus. Then he died and it went back to hell. I will just sum it up. I hate my freaking hell of a life. Well, anyway, I'm gonna stop blabbering on and on about my crappy life.

**A/N I hope you liked that chapter I hope it was at least a little bit better than some of my previous chapters! I also hope it was a little more realistic! IK that the whole cancer being gone thing was really unrealistic I don't know what the heck I was thinking! Remember pls comment! I would also like to do a vote for the next chapter! I could do a flashback on Amsterdam or something else. If it is something else pls write what you suggestion is! ****J****BTW ik this chapter was really short but I ran out of things to write about… ****J**


	5. Chapter 5

**A/N hey guys I'm sorry but this will be my last chapter for this tfios fanfic. I was not getting that many views or comments so I sadly had to end this. I will be starting a new fanfic though. I will be starting a divergent fanfic called "Opposites Don't Always Attract" Any of my fans out there if any please try and read my new fanfic. I really wanted to keep going but I felt like I just kept saying the same thing over and over again. I love any and all of my fans and please please PLEASE read my new fanfic! I need all the viewers and comments that I can get! :)**


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